random stuff

as the night casts its spell on me
and my consciousness slowly drifts away...
that serene look upon your face is the last thing i see...
i can't help but smile knowing how lucky i am to be with you
and that I'll wake up in the morning and all of these will still be true...

i love you.... and i wish i could start and end my everyday with you

pain in the ass

i'm usually a very nice and calm person... but i can also be the meanest most bad ass guy you'll ever meet... if i want to... it's starting to get frustrating... sarap manakit ng tao.. buti na lang mabait ako. amf

madman.... madly in love man....

How can i be so happy and scared at the same time? Damn it! LOVE... Love love love.... So pure yet so evil... Hahaha! It's driving me nuts... It's crazy... I'm crazy... damn it.... Lol.

Can't say that i hate this feeling... I mean i'm damn happy for crying out loud.... I've never been this happy... I guess that's why it scares me... Being in this euphoric state... Feeling like i can do anything.. like i can finally have everything i ever wanted... It feels damn nice... Im high on happy pills!

but.... Here comes the "but"... Sorry.. Force of habit... I know i should stop worrying.. But i can't help it... This is me... As much as i want to suppress that damn negative side... It is still here to haunt my new found happiness... I cant help but think about whether this "happiness high" would eventually end... And it scares me...

it's already a bit complicated as it is.. okay, maybe not really complicated... i mean i do understand the situation that i am in.. i guess i'm looking at it at another perspective or at least im trying to understand why people see it as complicated... It's is quite simple actually... I am in love.. And i'm being loved... easy, right? i should really stop being so mental... Hehe. Damn it... I'm babbling... i don't even know if im making sense.. maybe i am... It's just that i'm not exactly writing all the details.. that's why it seems like im just rambling... Haha.

Man.. This is insane... Where art thou my dear sanity... insanity is taking over me... Hahaha.

I really am just babbling, aren't i? I'm typing this while im waiting for my special someone... This is why i should never be alone.. I become this crazy guy that thinks about everything. Haha. See... im crazy.. Im having a damn conversation with myself in my head. Lol.

Crap... Babbling... I should stop now... Haha

Anyway, back to my point... What was i writing about again? Oh... Happy and scared at the same time...

Ok.. Im happy (duh.. Obviously)...
i guess i'm scared that it might end... I'm already head over heels in love and i'm scared that i would end up screwing things.. I can be a total screw up sometimes... An idiot... A fool... Im trying to be better.. Would that be enough to make this last??? I don't know.. I mean who knows... But i hope it lasts... I want it to last... I'll make it last...

I should stop now... I'm rambling in my head again...

hayyyy.. hello my dear blog... And to all my imaginary readers... til next time ^_^

if a picture is worth a thousand words...

if a picture is worth a thousand words... then what about an album??? you do the math... hahaha. This was supposed to be a valentines day gift.. but i wasn't able to give it... oh well... what else can i do... sayang naman kung walang makakakita... enjoy the pictures... at least may ibang mag aapreciate ng ginawa ko.. (sapul! haha! peace!) I'm not angry... and definitely not bitter... wala akong pinapatamaan.. i just want people to see the way i show my affection to whoever i'm in love with... (naks! amf!) nga pala... matagal tagal na rin tong mga pics na to.. haha

the gift that never had the chance to be... heheh

*oh!!! this is best viewed in most browsers except internet explorer. hehe. i tried fixing it to make it look good on ie.. it just wont work... hehe


the STORY:

designed and printed the stickers.... then drove from laguna to Mall of Asia to cavite.. posted stickers along the way and took pictures of it... from MOA i had some help from a friend (wooo! go Mervin! salamat nga pala!).. had the pictures printed, placed it in a small box and wrapped it with a ribbon.. too bad we weren't able to meet during Vday...

---

i miss the way you look at me when we're driving... and I miss that single moment you look at me and you begin to smile… I miss the times we meet and the fact that you're never late…... i miss that you always ask me what i want like I'm always gonna get it... i miss the way you say "mwuahh!" that I get through chat and text… i miss the way you squeeze my hand everytime you're holding it...  i miss the way you hug me like you dont want to let go... i miss the way you call me tart, oh how I miss it so… i miss the way you kiss me and the way i feel when im with you…

but what I miss the most… the greatest thing I miss most about you…


I really miss the way you used to miss me too…



will you marry me?... i guess not....

i didn't want to make you feel like you needed to buy me a gift.. that's why i made you one... seeing you smile would've been enough for me...

---

ok ba yung background song?? pinalitan ko pa yan para bagay sa latest post.. haha... oh... btw... im over it.. di po ako nagddrama... hahaha. naka move on na nga.. :) hopefully someone else would make me happy... and i'll try to be even better than what you can see in this post.. i'll make that person happy in every way i can.. hehe

gusto ko lang talagang ipost yung pics... sayang naman talaga diba?

now... don't you wish you have someone as romantic as i am? hehe!

hmmmm.. next time i do something like this, i need to kick it up a notch. hehe.

*oh!!! this is best viewed in most browsers except internet explorer. hehe. i tried fixing it to make it look good on ie.. it just wont work... hehe

hearts in bloom

i opened my eyes to a wonderful day

spring time comes and the sadness fades away

smiles everywhere, it's a joyful celebration.

So i stepped out of my world with no hesitation.

i was walking past a field of flowers in bloom.

it was like i opened a door to one of heaven's room

oh, what a sight to see! all colors from red, yellow and blue

but nothing compares to the moment i saw you

Sitting by the sea of wonderful creations

your exquisite beauty captured my attention

Time has stopped and my heart started racing

And in my head, i could hear a choir of angels singing

Genuine happiness exudes from your presence alone

and your face can light up a room out on your own

your smile is enough to melt my heart away

This is turning out to be one memorable day

Even with everyone around you, you stand out in the crowd

My head keeps spinning. It's screaming out loud

what should i do? oh heavens please give me a sign.

I am hoping that someday i can make you mine.

but alas, i can only admire you from afar.

i can't seem to move, my mind and body is at war

I'm building up the courage, I've never been this intimidated

Because I'm scared these feelings won't be reciprocated.

Soon the colors will fade and the flowers will wither

but memories will remain and your face i will remember

now every time spring comes and all the flowers bloom,

all i can think of and all i see is you...

Author's note:

- this entry started out as something about the flowers in spring time... and maybe a little bit about love. but it ended more bout love than flowers. I wrote it in parts for about 3 days so the initial ideas were gone by the third day, that's why it turned out to be more about love and all.

-the flower is called "bleeding heart" (oh the irony.. hehe) (aka Dicentra Spectabilis).

-it would be awesome to grow that flower here.
 
-edited most of the lines before i posted this. had to tone down the "cheeeesy-ness" (i know it's not a real word, but for my lack of a better term, lets stick with it.) I mean, i don't have anything against getting a little too mushy or whatever you call it, i'm just trying to avoid any comments like "ang corny mo!" hahahahah

Hitting rock bottom.

March 7, 2011:

[Sigh.....]

So I've been having one of the lowest point in my 23 years of existence. You know... when everything seems so fucked up. Almost everything is at a loss. Nothing seems to be going right.... career... love... life...


Man... Life clearly has a sick and twisted sense of humor... and I'm not laughing...

Why is this happening to me? karma? Fuck it! I don't deserve this shit. I've done some cruel things but I definitely had may fairly charitable moments towards others.


Okay... Maybe I'm just angry at the moment.... angry with life... The fact is, I don't have any one to blame... No one.. except me... Lol. Shit happens... And apparently, it happens wayyyyyyyyy more than "a lot" to me. I hate it, but i have to deal with it. I need to get my life back on track.


Gonna apply for a new job soon. Hopefully within a week or so. I need to act like the overly-confident pompous ass that i used to play so i can get a decent job. And yes, it works. Based on experience, pretending like you're a pro at what you're applying for definitely helps.

So there... I've hit rock bottom.... but i don't plan to stay in this rut for long.

It's funny how i found a little bit of comfort in eating FISHBALL. yep! fishballs! It may seem so dull and underwhelming to find comfort in a street food. but i did. It made me smile.

I remember when i was just a little boy... It was already great for me if i get to eat fishballs for the day. Dadaan si manong magtutulak ng fishball at hihingi ako ng pera sa nanay ko para lang makabili ng fishball. Kailangan ko pang magpacute nun para lang pumayag na kumain ako ng fishball. Ok na yung limang piso tapos sobrang swerte na kung sampung piso ibibigay. SOLB!!!! haha!

We all took simple pleasures in life for granted when we were young. I just now realized that i would eventually find comfort in it now that i'm an adult. Nakakatawa din namang isipin na buti pa ang fishball, singkwenta sentimos pa rin ang isa at mabubusog ka na sa halagang limang piso. Buti pa ang FISHBALL! ^_^

Anyway... Asan na ba ko??? ayun... Rock bottom.. Basta... I'll eventually get my life on track.. soon! pero for now... Kuyang fishball!! asan ka na? pabili ako ng limang pisong fishball tapos paluto na rin ng kikiam! gusto ko tustado! hahahaha



UPDATE!!!!!:

I'm almost done with one of my websites... few more days and i can already pass my resume. Magtuturo na naman po akoOOOOoo!!! hehehe

And i'm happier now. less stressed... less complicated. nakakatulog na ulet ako ng ayos. wala ng gumugulo sa utak ko. wala ng gaanong problemang iniisip. hindi ko na kasi sya kailangan isipin. ayun yun e! wahahaha. peace! bati naman tayo e. ^_^

oh yea.. took down some of my entries. lol. di na kelangan.. di rin naman ata nya nabasa e. haha. i don't mind though... marami naman nagsabi sakin na ang sweet ko naman daw. lol. pampalubag loob na rin. whaahha. amf. sayang naman yung regalo ko. hahaha

here's the face of someone who just hit rock bottom:

it would be exhausting to list all the things that could possible go wrong and so easy to lose sight of the places where you got it right. all you could do was deal with stuff as it arise and hope things wouldn't get any worse