cafs, nics, and a whole lot of unnecessary thoughts

The sadness of being alone... You try to make it through the day without feeling sad and lonely. You try to keep yourself busy to avoid the thoughts you've been trying so hard to suppress. But alas, boredom strikes and your mind is left to wander through uncertainties and insecurities. You start to feel like there's no more hope. Emotions starts rushing through your consciousness and you cant stop it. You're ALONE.

You keep telling yourself it's going to be fine. that happiness is right around the corner. That you're loved and you will always be loved. But why does it feel like you're not? Why does it feel like you were left out? Like you're not connected to the world... As if you're stuck in an alternate reality where you're caged in your own misery. You've fallen into a pit of despair and you're wondering if you'll ever get out. You're LOST.

alone and in despair, you try to comfort yourself. You think of all the good things. You recall happy moments. The times when you're glad and carefree. Reminiscing the hugs, the kisses.. All the intimate moments... Those sweet words you've always long to hear.... The passion of that hard sweet kiss.. the times when your mind is racing and your heart beats uncontrollably... But the loneliness strikes you hard. You start questioning things... Where is it now? You validate yourself.. Are you good enough? you think all is lost. You're PARANOID.

Now you're left with yourself. Alone. Miserable. Lonely. you think about that person whom you want so bad but you don't know if they feel the same way. you think about them the whole day. you feel pathetic. You become needy as much as you don't want to. You want to be by their side... But you cant. Now you're stuck in one place and you don't know what to do. You miss them... You long for them... You're HOPELESS.

tears suddenly starts flowing. You want to stop but you cant. You feel pathetic for crying with no reason. You tell yourself be strong. It's not like you. You shouldn't. then you start to laugh. You find it funny that you're crying for something you should be happy for. It's still there. Even though you're not sure. Even though you don't have it everyday. It's there. You realize... You're IN LOVE. You've fallen so hard that you're afraid of losing it.

That's how it is. Accept it. Face it. You don't give up because you feel sad. You shouldn't say goodbye because you're alone for the moment. There are limits to what you can do. there are limits to what they can do. You can only let go when someone says so. You'll move on even if it's hard. Even if it seems impossible. because you love them. And you don't want to force them to love you back. enjoy the moment. Hope for a better tomorrow but prepare yourself for the worst.