A Question of Love

Note: so i usually write my blog in english. Pero tong entry na to, may halong tagalog... wala lang...  feel ko lang pong magtagalog... gusto ko lang.. parang bagay sa mood. Kung may reklamo ka, punta ka sa barangay. Mag file ka dun ng complaint. Pero basahin mo muna to. Kung gusto mo lang naman. Pero kung ayaw mo, di wag. Hehe =P

it's the month of february. tis the season of love.  Wala lang.. gusto ko lang sabihin. Angal ka? hehe

ok.... so im just gonna babble from here on.. hehe

You know how weird it is, when we find that “special person”.... that one person who we really really like, if not love....  the “ONE”... Yun tipong sasabihin natin... “Sya na nga...” (feel na feel mo pagsabi nun.. may halong ooooomph! Hehe)...... we start questioning ourselves... We start doubting ourselves...  napaparanoid tayo.... di ba? Diba? Di baaaaaaaaaaa? (ang kulet ko ngayong gabi.. hehe)

I dont about know you, pero ako... ganun akong tao... ang daming pumapasok sa utak kong mga tanong..  I start thinking negative. I start doubting myself. Lol. Mr.Negativity nga daw sabi ng kaibigan ko...

Some people get rid of those feelings.. some dont...  Lucky are those who easily can... too bad for those who can’t... Minsan kasi kahit anong gawin natin, talagang di mawala sa isip natin yung pakiramdam na yun....

I was actually in that state a couple of weeks ago.... i was asking myself some questions which bugged me like hell. oh,and was i depressed.... hehe... i had a hard time doing anyting.... i was stuck for several days.. i spent my time in my room.. just thinking....

-          Do i deserve to be with this person?

-          Mahal nya ba talaga ako?

-          Am i worthy to be with this amazing person? (talagang amazing e!)

-          Can i make that person happy?

So i was asking myself this questions... and i usually end up getting myself on a deeper shithole... more depressed... kasi laging negative ang naiisip ko...

But then i realized, I'm asking myself the wrong questions.... I shouldn't be asking this to myself.. i mean, how the hell would i know the answers... ako ba sya? dapat sa kanya ko to tinatanong...

And then i thought, pano kung iniisip nya rin tong mga tanong na to.... Nagddoubt na rin kaya sya??? Pano na un?

So i kinda alter those questions (a bit....).

-          Does that person deserve to be with me?   (YES)

-          Mahal ko ba sya?    (OO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sobra)

-          Does that person worthy of being with me?  (Hell yea!!)

-          Can that person make me happy?    (Definitely) 

Kantahan pa kita... makita lang kitang may ngiti sa mata, makita lang kita ako ay ok na. Makita lang kita ako’y sumasaya basta kausap kita basta’t kasama kita.... (lol. Mcdo pala un.)

Wahhhh! Ang kulet ko na naman.. back to my point...... may point nga ba ako???

Ok.. so i was too busy with all the paranoia, nakalimutan ko na hindi ko dapat to tinatanong sa sarili ko.. sya lang naman makakasagot nun e.. bakit kaya di ko natanong sa kanya yun? Siguro kasi nahihiya ako... siguro kasi natatakot ako na baka negative yung kalabasan... natatakot ako...

waaaaaahhhhhh!!... nakakabaliw ...

At least ngayon alam ko na kung ano kelangan kong gawin... Kelangan kong malaman kung ano nasa isip nya.. kung ano nasa puso nya.. (corny ba? So? Ano naman? Inggit ka lang! bwahahah)

So now, those questions still linger in my head... i still have my doubts... but somehow, na-lessen yung burden ko...

Siguro mawawala lang yung mga yun kapag nalaman ko na kung ano talaga nararamdaman nya... kung ano naiisip nya...

Hindi naman ako nagmamadali.. kaya ko pa naman magtiis.. mahirap, oo... pero hanggat kaya ko, gagawin ko... ganun akong tao e... pag nagmahal, lahat ng kaya ko ibibigay ko...

A lot of first time happened to me last month.. things i never thought i’ll feel...  made me realize how important this person is to me.... papakasalan ko na nga e... hehe  

I hate being this vulnerable... but this time i can’t help it...

it is indeed a question of love.... ang tanong... mahal ka ba nya?